About 8 months ago, December 15 to be exact, I got a picture message of a nice, big sparkling diamond ring from Fawn. Matt, a Houston conservative with a heart of gold, yet some misguided positions in religion and politics, had proposed to Fawn, a Chicago liberal. And 8 months later, in bridesmaid gear, I got to witness the union of Fawn and Matt.
The wedding was Fawntastic. Fawn looked gorgeous. This of course was not a big surprise, since Fawn is already gorgeous, and smart, and really funny. But she was wearing a stunning dress, which took 300 young seamstresses working 24-7 for 8 months to create… with all the intricate beading and all. Pictures to follow…
And here are just some of the things I did (or did not do) out of my love for Fawn, who is truly one of the most amazing people I know …
- I did NOT make political jokes at the rehearsal dinner. I kept my toast short, and sweet, and sentimental… and it took every ounce of restraint not to make any politically incorrect jokes. The groom’s family is pretty darn conservative. The bride’s family is pretty liberal. But I wanted to make sure that the bride’s side was well represented in the speech-making. And after 5 vodka-tonics in less than an hour and seeing Matt** heading to the podium, I got the (liquid) courage to get up there and give my speech.
- I did NOT take advantage of the 19yr old cousin of the groom… I could have. But at one point he called me ma’am and that was a turn off. Oh, and the 19yr old cousin looked just like Rusty Cartwright from Greek. Pictures to follow.
- I did better than expected during the 3 hr-long Catholic wedding ceremony. Which was beautiful, but longer than the 30 minute Armenian weddings that I’m used to. Armenian weddings take less than 30 minutes because everyone can’t wait to get to the reception and start eating. Speaking of eating, I ate a wafer during the church ceremony. Apparently, in Catholic ceremony this means I took a holy communion. But I was hungry and it looked like carbs. So when the bridal party was heading towards to priest to either take the wafer, or keeping going (part of the ceremony), I opened my mouth and he placed the wafer in my mouth. Then I sat down and saw everyone else going up there to take the holy wafer and noticed that everyone else was holding their hand out and the priest was placing the wafer in the hand. I opened my mouth and had the priest put the wafer in my mouth. Ooops!!!
- I did not do anything inappropriate with any of the groomsmen.
- I did dance with at least 3 groomsmen, 6 bridesmaids, mother of the bride, and the mother of the groom. (My darling Selima, thanks for being my first dance).
- I did A LOT of dancing. And big props to the groom’s mother who was a dancing queen also. She had great moves and was on the dance floor until the very end.
Fawn, I wish you and Matt a lifetime of happiness and lots of smart, sarcastic, liberal kids.
** Fawn has been blessed with two Matts in her life. The first one is her BFF from college. He is Matt H. I met Matt H at a Christmas 5-6 years ago, when he was Fawn’s date. It was love at first sight. He was drinking Coronas all night, I was drinking vodka tonics, we were discussing celebrity gossip. We have been friends every since. The second Matt is Matt G. The one she just married. So throughout the wedding, every time someone said Matt in a speech, my brain would first think of Matt H then remind me that they were talking about Matt G, the groom. So that’s the story on the 2 Matts.