The Vampire and The Zombie

I took a little hiatus from documenting my dating horror stories. Partly because I had a busy summer/fall. I was having a really great time dating someone for two whole months, although I like to count my dating days in dog years, just to make them seem longer. Then I went to Armenia to visit relatives with a brief stopover in Paris. Had a great time. Came back from an amazing trip and shortly after my 2-month relationship came to an abrupt end. I wish I had a good story behind this but I don’t. It was just the classic case of “he’s just not that into you.” But hey, at least I didn’t get dumped on my birthday.  Although, interestingly enough we ended things a day after HIS birthday.

A few weeks after my brief romance came to an end I met a vampire. I was out with a group of friends on Halloween, at the undesirable section of LA, past my 5 mile radius and west of La Brea.  I had no intention of going out. Between travels, breakups and job interviews, I hadn’t had a chance to think about Halloween. But my friend Liz inspired me to join her crew for a pub crawl and I ended up on the west side, in my zombie ballerina finest, getting my drink on somewhere on Main Street, in Santa Monica.

Zombie Ballerina Costume - Halloween 2011
Zombie Ballerina

Sometime after the 3rd glass of wine and the 1st vodka soda I started chatting up with a vampire. I was slightly nervous about running into the-boy-who-wasn’t-into-me at some point during the night – since we share a social circle – so drinks were going down slightly faster than the usual pace. I must have been really buzzed because 1) I thought the vampire was good looking and 2) didn’t notice that he had a slight case of esotropia.

And there I was, flirting with a vampire, giving my real phone number (not my google #) and agreeing to a date.

A few days after, we went out to dinner.

  • The vampire came to pick me up for our date and he brought a single red rose. Too much pressure dude!
  • In my sober state, I realized that I had very little chemistry with the vampire. He wasn’t exactly Edward or Louis. He was more… Dracula, circa Bela Lugosi.
  • We had very little to talk about…
  • And he kept staring at me like he was “this” close to biting my neck and draining my blood.

But he was nice and I tried to make the best of it, knowing that there wasn’t going to be a second date.

Then he texted right after the date… “Had a great time. Same time tomorrow.”

I didn’t respond.

Then another text the following day. “Good luck today.”

I didn’t respond.

Then a phone call at 10 a.m. the following day.

It was time to respond, but I was at work and didn’t answer my phone. Instead, I texted.

Zombie Ballerina: “I had a nice time, I just think there is something missing.”

Vampire: Wow.

Vampire: Ok.

Vampire: Will u give it another chance

Zombie Ballerina: “I just don’t think we have enough in common to sustain a conversation.”

Vampire: Really? Wow ok. I suppose I was a bit quiet. I was just feeling u and was feeling good about the energy. I also find u very attractive

Vampire: U r very beautiful

Vampire: How about we see what it’s like being intimate with each other and go from there

Zombie Ballerina: “I’m sorry. I’m just not interested”

Vampire: Ok. Well I wish u the best. U really seem like a great girl

And there you have it. Another episode of “dating in LA.” Hey, at least I didn’t end up at the Cheesecake Factory.


  1. OMG … i didn’t think your dating stories could get any more original, but you never cease to amaze me. I don’t know which part I liked better … the “i didn’t even give him my google #” or the “let’s hook up and see if we like it”. brilliant.

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