A lot has happened in the past year… some good, some not so good, but it’s definitely been a memorable year. So here’s a summary of 2008.
January began with a promising start. Started the new year with a bang — in every sense of the word — and a hangover. I think it was a revelation of things to come in 2008. Many more hangovers. Although not so many bangs. But for some strange reason I felt something beginning of the year and it put me more in tune with my emotions. And I kept pouring a lot of these emotions into blog posts and workouts. And about those emotions… For the first time in a long time, so long that I can’t remember the last time, I felt something for a guy. It was a strange feeling. Warm and fuzzy emotions towards someone of opposite sex. Very foreign to me. And I didn’t know how to deal with them. Unfortunately for me, those feelings were very one-sided. Of course I got some advice that I should let him know how I felt. But that’s not my style. I like to keep my emotions bottled up. Which eventually led me to therapy. But that wasn’t until April. And a lot more happened between January and April.
February came along with my favorite holiday…no, not Presidents Day… Valentine’s day. Part of me thinks that Valentine’s Day is a jinx for my love life. I could be dating 2 guys before the holiday and still be single when this ridiculous holiday arrives. And of course this year was no different. I did get a rose from Adam — my friend/trainer/spinning instructor. And that was probably the first time in 15 years I got flowers on Valentine’s day. Thank you Adam.
Sometime between January and March I decided I was going to give online dating a try, in an effort to expand the pool of eligible men past the circle of friends of friends. Well, turns out LA is a very small town. Several of Chemistry.com’s random matches — using a super-scientific formula which determined I’d have chemistry with these matches — were utter failure. I kept getting match suggestions of guys who I already knew in the “real” world and knew for a fact I had no chemistry. So I decided to move on the Nerve.com personals… Let’s just say it led to many many first dates. No chemistry. Rejection based on politics. And the best one of all was the one who did NOT show up. That’s right, I got stood up. That was brutal. But, the combination of optimism and determination kept me going. Which eventually led me to the 22 year old. But that didn’t happen until a few months later.
On to March. I remember crying in March. Talk about emotions. I realized in March that I actually did care about what happened to my dad. I did not realize this until I took him to the hospital when he was complaining about chest pains. The whole experience was full of revelations. First, I found out that I was more like my dad then I ever realized. While the nurses were taking his pulse and checking his vitals signs, my dad was shamelessly flirting with every female on staff. Despite his lack of English skills he managed to charm all the nurses and the hospital staff. And while this was going on, I was checking out the paramedics and firemen in the ER. And, during this process… I was getting to spend quality time with dad. Sadly, this was the most quality time I had spent with him my entire life. And this whole experience led to crying at some point. And eventually led me to therapy.
In April, I made my first trip ever to a therapist. I can’t believe I had waited this long to see one. For the past 20+ years, I had been convinced that I didn’t have issues with my parents’ divorce. Turns out I do. I have major daddy issues. And the way I treat men — not very nicely most of the time — has a lot to do with him. Therapy has been very eye opening. And has led me towards peace and forgiveness. It has also led me to the realization that I’m dealing with the winning combination of fear of commitment and fear of abandonment. Something tells me I’ll be in therapy for a long time. Which is not a bad thing at all. I love my therapist.
In between all the turmoil, I was getting ready for Elba’s wedding. Between January and June, bridesmaid duties called… cake tastings, bridesmaid dresses, bachelorette party and bridal shower, all leading up to the wedding at a vineyard in Santa Ynez. After all the ups and downs, the wedding was one of the highlights of the summer. But the month of June was a month of chaos. It seems like every major life event happened during the month of June. Started with a wedding in the first weekend of June, followed by death and a funeral, graduation, birthdays, traffic school and jury duty. All in the month of June.
On to July. I got to experience a 22yr old. Sometime in June, a hot young 22yr old was emailing me through myspace. And after having no intention of seeing someone this young, I finally caved in. Especially after an age-appropriate certain someone had left me in a state of confusion. So, I figured I’ll give 22 a try. Which led to a few good dates, and few good times, until he got shipped away to a new job in a city far far away. It was good while it lasted.
I love August. It’s my birthday month. A month of many other celebrations. I turned 32. And sometime towards the end of the month got a brand new job. So I gave my notice, took a trip to DC, came back and got braces, and started the new job in September. Nothing like starting a new job with braces, at the age of 32. I was convinced that my personal life was going to be dead for the next 6 months (the duration of treatment). I had never been so wrong in my life before. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I had kissed so many boys in such a short timespan.
November. Yes We Can. Obama got elected. I admit, Hillary was my first choice. But I’m ecstatic that Obama got elected. Sometime around the 3rd debate, he won me over. November was also a month of many, many nights out and hangovers. It seems like between June and now, there have been many of those nights and hangover mornings. But it’s been a good time.
And now, the year is almost over. December arrived faster than I was ready. But so far, it’s been a great month. A month of many celebrations and even an anniversary. It’s been a good year. I let myself feel emotions I hadn’t felt in a long time and found inner peace. Therapy works.