I grew up with making a new year’s wish. That’s an Armenian tradition. The whole resolution thing is a foreign concept to me. Which probably explains why my success rate with these resolutions is barely 50%. But another year and another chance to try again.

Here are my resolutions for the new year.

1. Stop flirting with guys I have no interest in. Sometimes I do this because it comes naturally. Sometimes I just can’t stop myself. Sometimes I give the false impression that I’m actually interested in the guy just because I can be a shameless flirt. Then they ask for my number. At this point I feel awkward about not giving my number because five seconds earlier I was shamelessly flirting — or maybe even making out — with the guy. Then I give my number. Then they want to go on a date. Then after a few texts/phone calls I start avoiding the person. I’m getting exhausted just typing this.The point is… stop flirting with guys that I know don’t have a chance, especially guys from the gym. That was a mistake. Now I have to deal with the puppy dog eyes staring at from the front desk and I have to come up with a good reason (fast) why I can’t go out with him that night (or any other night).Then there as the awkward conversation Friday night when I picked up the phone from a 949 area code. It went something like this:Me: “Hello”
   Him: “Hey! You picked up”
   Me: “Who is this?”
   Him: “It’s Eric. We met a while ago. You haven’t returned my phone calls.”
   Me: “It’s probably because of the 949 area code. I don’t call back 949. Was I drunk when we met?” (At this point, it’s slowly coming back to me. I think it’s someone I gave my number to a few months back at the Prince vs. Michael Jackson dance-off.)
   Him: “I don’t know if you were drunk. But we had a moment.” (Yes, he actually said we had a moment, which probably means there was massive amounts of vodka involved)
   Me: Right about now I’m starting to feel like I have way too much testasterone for a woman, and have to find a gentle way to let him know why there won’t be any more moments… so I tell him I have a boyfriend, and it’s better that we don’t stay in touch. Which means I don’t want to get any more grammatically incorrect text messages. That really bothers me.
2. No more than 4 alcoholic beverages when I go out. I tried to keep this resolution last year, but it didn’t happen. It’s tough living walking distance to the Cahuenga Corridor nightlife. That means when I go out I can just walk down to the bars. I don’t have to drive/cab anywhere, which means I can drink as much as I want. This doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic. It just means I like my vodka now and then. Or a glass of wine. Maybe even a few glasses of wine. But consuming more than 4 alcoholic beverages led to giving my phone number out to way too many guys I wasn’t interested in. At the very least I need to memorize my Google Voice number. So far ,this year is off to a good start. I didn’t drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol on New Year’s Eve and wake up with a hangover the next day (that was so 2009).
3. Learn how to swim. I really mean it this time.
4. Learn French. I loved Paris and next time I go back I want to be able to communicate with French people in French. Being a cute girl can only get you so far. Which in my case meant lots of lovely French wine bought by French men. But maybe if I speak a little French I might even get to enjoy dinner with French men.
5. Go to bed early, get 8 hrs of sleep during the week, and wake up early to go to the gym in the mornings. This one is actually 3 resolutions in one but I really need to get more sleep. Ideally, I’d go to sleep around 9:30. Wake up at 5:30 a.m. and go to the gym. After releasing all those endorphins, I’m much nicer to people throughout the day.
6. Lose a few pounds, get toned and win my gym’s “12-week get fit” competition. This one is a little tough, but I’m motivated to get super-duper fit and win this thing. Between vanity, post-holiday weight gain and self-loathing, combined with a financial incentive and my competative nature, I have the motivation to win this thing. Did I mention that I live in LA, where size 6 is illegal? Seriously!If I lived somewhere in the middle of the country, I’d be the skinny girl on the block. Right now I’m the fat girl in the gym. I managed to gain about 5-6 lbs around the holidays. I’m very upset about this. Why can’t I be one of those actresses with super-duper-high metablism who stays fit just by walking their dog and doing yoga? Oh wait. I know why. I don’t do coke and smoke cigarettes.
7. Give online dating one last chance. Argh. I’m actually dreading this one. I really enjoy meeting people in person, in social situations. But all my friends have coupled up. All their friends are coupled up. And for some strange reason, they haven’t made any new friends for me. I have signed up for 3-month membership on an online dating site. By the time the 3-month membership is over, it’ll be spring and I’ll be a social butterfly again, getting out and meeting people in person.