Who I Don’t Want to Meet

Every so often I get an angry message from a guy who reads my list of “Who I Don’t Want to Meet” on my MySpace profile. Usually, the angry men who email me like to point out that A) having such a long list is the reason I’m single, B) I must be a gold-digger because of item #6 on my list. I realize that the list is long, but it was created out of necessity. I kept getting emails from unemployed, proud parents, living 50+ miles away who had this unrealistic idea that I was a great match for them. Ummm… did you look at my profile? Why would you think a great looking single girl, living in LA, would be interested in a homely looking, 45-yr-old divorced guy, with kids, living in Oceanside. Seriously!!!

Based on too many of those emails, I decided to write up a list of requirements. Usually, people who read the list find it humorous. I’ve gotten emails from men and women who think the list is funny. But I also get emails from angry men over 40 who read my list, get annoyed, and decide to email me to tell me all the things that are wrong with me based on my list.

So, here’s my “Who I Don’t Want to Meet” list:

1. People who don’t like sushi.*
2. Religious fundamentalists of any religion.
3. People who don’t read books.
4. People who get their news from Fox News, Rush Limbough, or any other right wing propaganda machine.
5. Proud parents. Just to be clear, I like kids but I’m not into guys who have kids.
6. Men of certain age… If you’re in your 40s and are chasing after 20 somethings (or 30 yr olds) on myspace, it’s a huuuuge turnoff. This rule does not apply if you’re 1) George Clooney 2) Johnny Depp or 3) really really rich, and good looking, and want to take me out and spend a lot of money on me with no strings attached.**
7. Vegetarians.* I have plenty of vegans and vegetarians in my life, I really don’t need any more dietary complicated individuals.
8. Republicans. I enforce a strict DO NOT ENTER policy so don’t even waste my time (If my best friend is reading this, Laura this does not apply to you).
9. Dispassionate individuals, especially if you don’t care about politics and don’t extercise your right to vote.
10. Guys on a rebound.
11. SUV drivers. Big car = small equipment (90% accuracy rate)
12. Geographically undesirable men. I’m not willing to travel more than 10 miles for a guy. Five miles is ideal. Ten if you’re very special, but not if it involves the 405 FWY. If you live in any county outside of LA (OC, Riverside, San Bernardino), it’s just not going to work out.

*Rules #1 & #7 can be broken if the guy is really good looking and meets the rest of the requirements. But not if he’s vegan. That’s just too complicated.

** I wrote this list when I was about 28 and kept getting emails from men who were in their 40s. Nothing against men in this age group, but I think they should chase after more age-appropriate women. There are some exceptions to this rule, but the men who were contacting me on MySpace generally did not fall under the exceptions category. They fell under the “creepy” category.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this list. And I don’t think this is the reason I’m single. I do realize I’m picky, but even my therapist agrees that this is not a bad thing. And I have every right to be selective about who I let into my life. I have a great life and I’m not looking to settle just to be in a relationship. I do not plan on joining the ranks of unhappy people who decided to settle just because they were uncomfortable being single.

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One thought on “Who I Don’t Want to Meet

  1. YUCK! How crazy is that?!? An old fart gets offended by your funny and enlightening list and writes to tell you why YOU are wrong? GROSS!

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