Jenna Bush Got Married… to the Nice Republican Boy, not the Latin Lover from Argentina

When I first found out that Jenna Bush was getting married, when it was first announced in August 2007, I thought for sure she was pregnant. But I was wrong. I hate when I’m wrong. I was actually surprised when I found out she was getting married. It all feels like an orchestrated image makeover for the wild-child Jenna. After years of getting negative publicity, for things like underage drinking and dancing on tables, it was time for a makeover. As part of the image makeover, Jenna signed up for UNICEF, traveled to South America, found some time to teach elementary school, and wrote a children’s book about HIV. It’s like the Bush clan decided to give her the Stepford-Wife makeover. The same one Laura Welch Bush got, to cover for her teenage shenanigans.

During this image makeover, lovely Jenna met a nice Republican boy – Henry Chase Hager. As far as setups go, this is straight out of Republican fairy tales. Prince Charming, with the horsely good looks, comes to sweep Jenna off her feet and rescue her from the poor, handsome, Argentinean.

Congratulations Jenna and Henry. And please remember to use birth control.

Jenna Bush Wedding Notes

  • Jenna looked lovely, in a lovely boring Oscar de la Renta. (Initially, I thought the dress was boring, but upon closer inspection I thought it looked lovely. Plus my friend Cher really loves Oscar de la Renta, and I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship by offending Oscar.)
  • Barbara looked like she was trying to steal the scene in all the wedding pictures
  • Henry Hager looked constipated
  • George Bush looked relieved… that Jenna got married
  • And Laura Bush, well, she just kept smiling…


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