OH MY GOD!!! Is this guy for real? This particular profile really annoyed me. I don’t know if it was the “ultra-feminine” part or the fact that he wants a woman who’s in great shape and who’s committed to staying that way. Or maybe it was the fact that he’s ready to be the Dr. Phil that every woman is longing for… so he can turn her into all that she can be. If I wanted to be all that I can be I’d join the Army, not Chemistry. And he’s not exactly God’s gift to women, judging by his pictures.

I admit, I’m pretty picky about guys. I want the whole package… but at least I play nice on my profile. In real life, I’ve turned down guys that didn’t meet my standards. I’ve turned down guys that were 5s. I’ve made couple of exceptions for guys who were about a 6, but those did not turn out so well. Here’s the thing, when your heart gets broken by a 6, it’s just even more painful. Especially when the 6 was an exception to the rule. If I’m going to get my heart broken, I want the guy to be in the 8-10 range. And I’m committed to NOT making exceptions for guys that fall in the 6 range. I live in LA, this shouldn’t be that hard… but it seems like all the guys I meet that fall in the 7-10 range are either married, in a long-term relationship, or they swing for the other team. This Chemistry thing just isn’t working, but I was a sucker and paid for a 3 month membership and now I have to suffer through the excellent selection of choices. All this in an effort to to distract myself from thinking about Mr. 10, who meets the standards except he’s geographically undesirable. And I’m not talking about living west of La Brea.*

On a totally unrelated subject, I left work early today for some afternoon appointments in Beverly Hills. My Dr’s appt was on La Cienega and I didn’t realize that it was about 2 buildings from one of the most fabulous sushi places in LA. I was hungry and decided to grab some sushi. I sat at the sushi bar and 5 minutes later, a spice girl was sitting next to me. It was Mel B! The sushi bar was practically empty. It was me, my bag on a chair next to me, and Mel B sitting on the chair next to my bag. She looked fabulous. Great skin. I think she was with her husband. If it was her husband, I have to say he’s way hotter than Eddie Murphy. Way to go Mel! The last time I was at this particular sushi bar, Marky Mark was sitting next to me. But I never turned around to glance at his direction. My date told me after we left the restaurant that Marky Mark was sitting next to me. (When I have a sushi date, meaning the guy’s paying for sushi, he has my full attention.)**

*Traffic in LA is a nightmare, which can make or break a romance. For example, I live in Hollywood. It’s a central location. But I will not date any guy that lives in South Bay, Santa Monica, Brentwood, Westwood, etc… These are geographically undesirable locations for someone living in Hollywood. To get to any of these areas involves traffic. Whether it’s the 10, or the 405, or the surface streets of Santa Monica and Wilshire… I just don’t have the patience. So I try to keep it local. This means Hollywood, Los Feliz, Silverlake, Echo Park, Downtown, etc. And if a guy lives really far off, someplace that involves 10E or the 60E, or 5 South headed to OC… not a chance.

**I admit, I’m a total sushi-whore. The easiest way for me to say “yes” to a date is for a guy to ask a simple question…”Sushi”?

So based on a recommendation from the fabulous Miss B., I decided to give nerve.com a try. I copied and pasted my personal essay from chemistry (which was repurposed from myspace and facebook), added a picture and logged off. Today, I checked my account and realized I had checked the wrong box. I had checked the box that indicates that I’m looking for women. And based on the number of winks, turns out I’m pretty popular with the women. (Mother, if you’re reading this… I’m still straight.)

*Note to brother Tito… can you make some new friends?