I have yet to meet the guy who will last forever or for longer than two months. Ok, maybe longer than three months. But I’ve noticed that the minute I start dating someone longer than … oh I don’t know, more than 3 dates, suddenly there’s a whole new world of socializing that opens up. Suddenly, my couple friends want to do more socializing. And it’s not because suddenly they’ve taken interest in my personal life. It’s because I’m no longer the contagious single person. Suddenly they feel like the single-disease has been cured.

I’m just having one of those days when I realize that I’m always the one hosting parties, inviting friends, plus their significant others, and for some reason when they  plan events, the comfort zone only seems to extend to the couple zone.

And I’m over it.

This isn’t the case with all my coupled-up friends. But some of them. And it would be really nice if they got their heads out of their coupled-up-comfort zone and plan a god-damn-fuckin-dinner party with an odd number guest list.

That’s all.

Whew. It felt nice to get this out.

A few weeks after my brief romance came to an end I met a vampire. I was out with a group of friends on Halloween, at the undesirable section of LA, past my 5 mile radius and west of La Brea.  I had no intention of going out. Between travels, breakups and job interviews, I hadn’t had a chance to think about Halloween. But my friend Liz inspired me to join her crew for a pub crawl and I ended up on the west side, in my zombie ballerina finest, getting my drink on somewhere on Main Street, in Santa Monica.

Zombie Ballerina

Sometime after the 3rd glass of wine and the 1st vodka soda I started chatting up with a vampire. I was slightly nervous about running into the-boy-who-wasn’t-into-me at some point during the night – since we share a social circle – so drinks were going down slightly faster than the usual pace. I must have been really buzzed because 1) I thought the vampire was good looking and 2) didn’t notice that he had a slight case of esotropia.

And there I was, flirting with a vampire, giving my real phone number (not my google #) and agreeing to a date.

A few days after, we went out to dinner.

• The vampire came to pick me up for our date and he brought a single red rose. Too much pressure dude!
• In my sober state, I realized that I had very little chemistry with the vampire. He wasn’t exactly Edward or Louis. He was more… Dracula, circa Bela Lugosi.
• We had very little to talk about…
• And he kept staring at me like he was “this” close to biting my neck and draining my blood.

But he was nice and I tried to make the best of it, knowing that there wasn’t going to be a second date.

Then he texted right after the date… “Had a great time. Same time tomorrow.”

I didn’t respond.

Then another text the following day. “Good luck today.”

I didn’t respond.

Then a phone call at 10 a.m. the following day.

It was time to respond, but I was at work and didn’t answer my phone. Instead, I texted.

Zombie Ballerina: “I had a nice time, I just think there is something missing.”

Vampire: Wow.

Vampire: Ok.

Vampire: Will u give it another chance

Zombie Ballerina: “I just don’t think we have enough in common to sustain a conversation.”

Vampire: Really? Wow ok. I suppose I was a bit quiet. I was just feeling u and was feeling good about the energy. I also find u very attractive

Vampire: U r very beautiful

Vampire: How about we see what it’s like being intimate with each other and go from there

Zombie Ballerina: “I’m sorry. I’m just not interested”

Vampire: Ok. Well I wish u the best. U really seem like a great girl

And there you have it. Another episode of “dating in LA.” Hey, at least I didn’t end up at the Cheesecake Factory.

To help me move forward, the universe delivered a new memory on that date.

A night of music and magic under the stars. Me, dancing on stage, with my new favorite band.

Thank you universe.

On March 1, my lovely roommate of two years (and still my good friend) Rachel told me she was moving out. This came as a shock because just a month earlier we had been talking about our living arrangement and she mentioned that she wasn’t planning on moving out for at least another 6-7 months. And exactly two years after my last roommate search, I was back in the same place.

So I posted an ad on craigslist and got a slew of responses. The first response was from a guy who works in my company, in the same division as my ex-bf. Needless to say, I decided to keep searching and found a lovely new roommate.

Now some news from the dating world. The very brief romance with the cute comic/actor didn’t exactly go anywhere. Too bad. He was a good kisser. And in an effort to meet new people I decided to join an online dating site. This time around it’s okcupid. I think I’m about a week away from deactivating my profile. Every time I join an online dating site — usually in the “cold” LA months when the temperatures reach below 60 degrees — I quickly remember why I don’t like these sites.

Last Wednesday, I went on a date. During our email exchanges we discovered that we both like Bar Covell and decided to meet there. Never again. The date lasted about 4 hours, but not because it was going so well. My date did not shut up for 3 hours. He did not stop talking since the minute he saw me. He did not stop talking long enough to hear about the wine. He kept trying to show off his wine knowledge and show how much more he knows about wine than Matthew, my favorite winetender.   Did I mention he did not shut his mouth for 3 hours? I don’t even remember what he was talking about. It was that bad.

My awesome winetender friends could see by the look on my face how miserable I was and sent me a dessert to cheer me up. The red velvet donut kept me going. About 3 hours into our date, while I’m on my 3rd glass of wine and he’s about to start his 4th, I got a chance to talk. I’m pretty sure this only happened because my date was too exhausted after 3 hours of talking nonstop and he needed a break.  I got a few words in during the 4th hour of the date. Which had only lasted this long because I couldn’t get a word in to plan my escape during the first 3 hours of my miserable date.

Then it got better. The check came. He took a very, very, very long pause, examining the bill and in awe of the loyalty discount that was reflected on the check in my honor (since I’m VERY loyal). And he kept looking. And looking. And was not making any efforts to pay for the bill. This was my cue to reach for my wallet. I took some money out to pay for my half. The third time this has happened in my long dating history.

At this point, the 42-yr-old-A.D.D.-boy-who-could-not-shut-up says, “How about we split this one and I take you to a nice dinner next time.” To which I reply, “We’ll see.” My polite way of saying “Fuck no!”

The next day I get a message from him.

“Hi Eliza. I had a really great time with you last night. I’d love to see you again. Maybe we can go out sometime? Or we can just be friends.”

I replied to his voice mail with a text message.

“I had a nice time [obviously lying]. I’m not looking for friends. And I’ll be honest with you. The best way to guarantee there is no 2nd date, is by splitting the check on the first date.”

He responds:

“Ok.”

Followed by:

“Fair enough.”

Followed by:

“Thanks for being honest.”

Followed by:

“I should use that next time. Or does that only work for women?”

Now I know why a decent looking, claiming-to-be-successful guy is single at 42.

And now you know why there are so many smart, gorgeous, accomplished single women in LA. It’s not the City of Angels. It’s the City of Peter-Pan.

Hey, at least I didn’t go to Cheesecake Factory. I never thought I’d have something nice to say about my Cheesecake Factory date, but at least the 26-year old had enough manners to pay for the bill.

The anger and sadness have been replaced with joy.

My appetite is back.

Here’s the background story.

About a year ago, my BFF Laura kept telling me she wanted to go to a comedy show with her. She kept casually mentioning that one of her friends is a comic and we should go check out one of his shows. Let’s call him Rod. I kept ignoring her because she does not have the best track record when it comes to setting me up on dates and it was obvious she was trying to set me up. The last time she tried to set me up on a date, it was with a guy who I was convinced was gay. Come to think of it, he had manboobs and I don’t know that many gay guys with manboobs. In any case, Laura’s first attempt at setting me up was with the most asexual human being on the planet. Come to think of it, there is no way he could be gay because I find gay guys attractive. Laura’s second attempt was a small step above the asexual dude. It was with a skinny, bald dude who kept hitting on the slutty chick at the party and that was my clue that he wasn’t that into me… which was fine because I wasn’t that into him. There were no further attempts at setting me up unless I count the time when Laura created a profile for me on ArmenianMatch.com. But I digress. The point is, her track record has not been great.

About a month ago, a friend suggestion popped up on Facebook. It was Rod. We had 2 mutual friends so he kept coming up as a suggestion. I looked at his profile and thought to myself, “Wow. He’s cute.”  I clicked on some pictures and again, all cute pictures, not just from certain flattering angles. Then I realized that I may have seen him perform in the LA comedy circuit. My ex-roommate is an actress/comic/waitress/casting assistant and I was pretty sure I had seen him perform at one of her comedy shows. I decided to email. I never ever email/contact a friend suggestion unless I actually know them. But I did. I told him that we were both friends with Laura and another friend and that I was pretty sure I had seen him perform at a comedy club 3 years earlier (and I distinctly remembered asking my ex-roommate about the cute comic). So we started exchanging emails. Then he asked to be my friend on Facebook. Then he asked for my phone number, which led to a phone call, which led to a date.

Here’s the dilemma. We’ve been out on a few dates. There have been numerous phone calls, text messages and Facebook communication, etc. But I feel like Facebook is killing romance. I needed to take a step back. I stopped posting updates. I took a week off. And honestly, I also needed a break from his status updates. It sounds really ridiculous when I type this. I got really sick of having his status updates show up on my news feed. Every time he posted something, it seemed like only women commented and some were just blatantly flirting. I’m not a jealous person. He’s not doing anything wrong. He’s not saying anything wrong, bad or inappropriate. I just don’t want to be exposed to so much information. I don’t care if 50 women are commenting. I just don’t want it in my face. I want some degree of mystery.

I took a week off from Facebook. I didn’t want him to know what was going on in my life without making an effort. I needed a break from over-sharing. Facebook kills romance.

And now I’m faced with a decision. Do I stay friends, delete or block.

P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day

P.P.S. Most comics/actors/entertainers are really insecure and constantly seeking validation. This gets REALLY exhausting.

We need to take some time off. I don’t know if it’s just a trial separation or if it’s going to lead to divorce. I just need some time away from the constant flow of information and  over-sharing. I love you… but you’re a bit too much sometime. I miss the early days of our romance. When we just saw each other occasionally. Now it’s turned into an unhealthy, obsessive relationship.

I know you won’t miss me. I know you have others to keep you company. But I know this is for the best… for now.

For now, I’m just going to take things one day at a time.

Love,

Eliza

This year’s resolutions don’t have anything to do with flirting, dating or limiting my alcohol intake. No resolutions about figuring out what to do with my life (too much pressure).  And especially no resolutions about dieting and losing weight. This year’s resolutions are about enjoying life.

This year I will cook more, entertain more and worry less.

And maybe I’ll find the time to learn to swim and study French. But if I don’t, there’s always next year.

Happy New Year!

So here is a recap of my year, in pictures.

I went to Coachella this year. After years of thinking about going, I actually went. Three days in the desert, listening to amazing music, was one of my favorite experiences of the year. It was also an experience that stretched my personal boundaries. It taught me to chill out. Using port-a-potties and gallons of disinfectant, was not the most comfortable experience. But Coachella turned out to be a great experience. It also taught me that I have really awesome friends who still love me despite my “moments.”

Two hot girls at Coachella

This year, two of my favorite people married two awesome people. My sister-Lizzie — we’re not related but she’s like family — married Stephen.  I highly approve of Stephen and so glad that they found each other in a karaoke bar in San Diego and 5 years later got married. I have never seen my friend so happy.

I make a very good bridesmaid, I clean up nicely and can dance all night no matter how much alcohol I've consumed.

About a month after Lizzie’s wedding, my brother Tito (Lizzie’s brother) married Caro in Chile. I love Caro. I used to tease brother Tito that if he didn’t marry her one of his friends would step up to the plate. And in August, a group of us traveled to Chile to witness Tito say adios to bachelorhood. We danced the entire night. We didn’t stop dancing until about 4 a.m. in the morning. This was a huge accomplishment on my part because I was wearing 5-inch heels and I stilled danced the entire night.

The happy couple dancing the traditional Chilean dance - the Cueca. Brother Tito is Peruvian, but he took dance lessons to learn the Cueca for the wedding. The Chilean side was VERY impressed.

And about two weeks after I came back from Chile, I got dumped on my birthday. And this is the last time I’m going to write about my birthday breakup in my blog. Done!

Hey, just because I got dumped doesn't mean I'm not going to get all dolled up and celebrate.

I can’t write about my year without mentioning all the awesome food I consumed, most notably, the food at LudoBites.

I love lamb.

I also love foie gras.

In addition to all the eating, drinking and weddings, I also did some traveling this year. Chile. London. Brussels. Seattle. And best of all… Orlando and Las Vegas (joking). I don’t have pictures from Orlando and Vegas, since those were work trips.

London, November 2010

London Eye

On my way to meet the Queen

A beautiful night in Brussels

The chocolate version of Manneken Pis - near the actual Manneken Pis - is much bigger!

Not a bad year, when I think of all the places I visited and all the great experiences.

Happy New Year Everyone!

I have experienced a lot more this year than most of my adult life. And the three constants in my life were love, food and wine. I fell in love. I got my heart broken. Shattered actually. But even as I go through the process of healing my heart, I’m starting to see all the good that came out of that experience.

So here it goes. My year in review.

I started the year in a difficult place. I had just welcomed the new year with a group of close friends, neighbors, and the object of my desire –  or infatuation – along with his girlfriend. The years before we spent New Year’s Eve together, sans significant others. This year, my single status was all the more evident. My reliable plus one had his own plus one. Then I started to deal with holiday weight gain and the set of insecurities that followed. I spent the first few months of the year fixated on losing weight. Eventually, I lost the weight and also gained some clarity. I decided not to let myself get to a place where I am so obsessed about my weight.

I realize now that my weight obsession had to do with bigger issues. Control and fear. There are very few things in life within our control and I felt that my weight was one of the few things I could control.  My fear over being alone had led me to fixate on my weight. I had to face the fear of being alone. My friend’s presence in my space, with a significant other, had made my single reality all the more real.

To be clear, I’m very used to the single life. I’ve been flying solo for a very long time. But as I get older, and everyone around me couples up, and when I’m the only solo person at a dinner party of 39, I can’t help but wonder “what if I never meet someone?” I had to admit to myself that the reality of this “what if” was what I feared most.  I had to admit to myself that despite the great facade, I feared ending up solo. Hence this obsession with weight, and losing weight. It had to do with having control of something in my life.

Then spring arrived and I could feel the change in my energy. Coachella might have had something to do with it. After years of saying “I’ll go some day” I had actually decided to go this year. And I started to feel the year taking a different turn. Looking forward to something, anticipating something new, was changing the way I felt.

Just around this time, while at Coachella, I heard from Matt, again.  I remember getting a text from him couple of months earlier, right around Valentine’s day, and wondering what was going on with him. I had heard from him – via text – sporadically over the course of the year. The first time he texted me, I found it odd. I wondered why he was staying in contact after backing out of becoming roommates. But over the course of the following year I got used to getting texts from him every few months. Checking in. And during one of those checkins I finally asked. “What is it you really want?” “Your attention,” he answered. Which led to our first date. Followed by many more dates until I stopped counting the dates.

He was to become my first love. The first time I felt real love during my adult life.

He had suggested planning a date at Cinespia with my friends, knowing how much my friends mean to me. The film was Saturday Night Fever. It was one of the many things he did to show me he cared and wanted to be part of my life. He went out of his way to make me happy. Even if it meant going out of his comfort zone and entering my comfort zone full of food, wine and friends. He’s an anti-social introvert who went out of his to make me happy. Whether it was socializing with strangers on our 3rd date, planning a date with me +10, or going out dancing, he did things that he knew would make me happy. He showed me how I should be treated. And on a hot summer night, after less than 3 weeks of dating, he said he loved me. It was over a plate of food – full of hummus, grape leaves, pita and homemade guacamole – to accompany the bottles of red wine. I felt the same, and said it back to him.

Food and love were in constant company throughout the year. Whether it was dinner at LudoBites - another one of my loves – or sharing food with those who I loved.  Food was an expression of my love. My memories of 2010 were intertwined with food and wine. As my first real love came to an end, I celebrated my birthday and nursed my heartbreak at Osteria Mozza followed by wine at Bar Covell. In the company of my friends, over a glass of champagne, followed by chilled red wine, I felt a different kind of love.  It was the unconditional love of friends.

This has been a year full of great events – both sad and happy. It’s been a year shaped by loss of life – my grandfather Hakop – and celebration of new life – Henry Hideo. It’s been a year full of love, travel, food and wine.

It’s been a good year.

As the year comes to an end, I feel fortunate for the experiences. I experienced love. It was brief but strong. And despite how it ended, I celebrate the love that Matt showed me. He showed me how I should be treated and what I should expect from a real relationship. For that I thank him and I wish him well.

Now I’m letting it go. Letting go of the anger and sadness and making room for love, joy, happiness, and even more food and wine.