Post-Breakup Anger

I was wondering when it was going to happen. I’m now in the anger phase of the post-breakup grief and as a form of therapy I’ve decided to tell my ex what I think of him and our relationship.

C,

Well it’s been 2 months and I feel like anger is finally hitting me over the demise of our relationship. I’m angry for so many reasons. I’m angry at how little you valued our relationship and dumped me over a fuckin text message. I’m angry that you didn’t have the balls to show me the respect I deserved and to face me. You couldn’t even wait ONE day after I got back from my trip. You picked me up at the airport, brought me home, and while I in my room you finished smoking your cigarette and texted me to end a year and half long relationship. Then you took off.

You are an asshole. A selfish, peter-pan-syndrome suffering asshole. I can’t believe I was in a relationship with such a selfish bastard. I’m angry that I stayed in the relationship thinking we were going through a rough patch. You weren’t. You’re a lifelong narcissist who claims to be suffering from depression. You are not depressed. You might be bipolar, but you’re not depressed.

I’m angry over every time I overlooked all your selfish behaviors. I don’t even think you loved me. I’m angry that I picked up the tab so many times in some many ways. I should have ended things after that miserable anniversary dinner, when you reached to split the check. That was just an icing on a cake. I’m angry for wasting all that time with someone who was unworthy of my love. I don’t think a person who loved me would have treated me with so little consideration.

Your own obsession with your body image and weight started rubbing off on me. And it didn’t help that I was in a relationship with a selfish bastard who rarely ever paid the simplest of compliments. Getting a fuckin compliment out of you was a big fuckin deal. I get you didn’t grow up in a household where people paid each other compliments. But you knew it was important to me to hear something nice, and it didn’t cost you a dime.

Lessons learned.

You said you wanted to stay friends. Well, my friends would NEVER treat me the way you treated me. I don’t want a friend in my life who’s selfish and ends relationships via text messages. I’ve gotten rid of selfish, one-sided friendships.

I’m glad the relationship is over. I’m glad I didn’t end up wasting any more time in that relationship. I’m just angry that I stayed in it for so long.

Post-Breakup Gratitude

For most of my life I’ve been single, with the exception of about 5 years out of 37 that were in relationships. If I count my first crush/love, around the age of 12-14, this would make it 7 out 37. Which means that I’ve only spent about 13-17% of my life in relationships, and 83-87% of my life single.

The most recent breakup has felt strange. I’m used to feeling anger and grief. Sadness. But after this breakup I just feel numb. I feel like I’m unable to react to the demise of a relationship that lasted a almost 18 months.  I didn’t realize how stressful it had become until the stress of not being in a relationship was lifted off my shoulders.

Suddenly I feel calm. I feel light. It feels great to think only about myself again.

And I’ve decided that I’m going to look at the bright side of this breakup, learn and heal.

Here is my list of post-breakup gratitude.

  1. My time is ALL mine.
  2. I don’t have to suffer through Brazilian waxing session every 3-4 weeks. That’s approximately $600 in savings a year.
  3. I don’t have to worry about his emotional well being.
  4. I don’t have to worry about his mental well being.
  5. I don’t have to feel guilty about checking out Colin Farrell’s tight ass in yoga class.
  6. I don’t have to feel guilty about checking out Colin Farrell’s six-pack (of abs not beer) in yoga class.
  7. I can fall in love again, with someone amazing.

That’s all for now.

 

The Post-It Note, Circa 2013

Writing for me is a form of therapy, along with my other forms of therapy (crossfit, spinning, hot yoga, wine).  I write when I’m happy, excited, angry or sad. I go through periods of silence when I’m content, or lazy. I used to write about politics, but now it makes me angry and frustrated. Now my blog has turned to an outlet for sharing mostly what brings me joy (food, wine, travel and friends). Then there are times when I need a release from the relationships that cause me pain or anger.

It was some time around December of 2012. I had come to terms with the breakup. But it wasn’t a clean break. We were still communicating. So I decided it was time to cut off ties and informed (C), no more communication.  No text messages, emails or instant messages. Six days later he contacted me. He had won the lottery for LudoBites 10, the last one. And he invited me. He knew it was my achilles heel. I couldn’t say no to LudoBites and he knew I’d respond to him. And I fell for it. The night of our LudoBites dinner date, our romance rekindled. December 21, 2012. It ended on September 8, 2013. The day I returned from Armenia.

It was my first, real, adult love. Lasted longer than any other relationship.

And it was full of adventures, travel, great food and love. And it was full of ups and downs. Great highs and lows.

When it was good, it was great. I’ll try to remember the good times. The adventures. And the highs. I’ll try to learn from the challenges.

And I’ll try to forget how it ended. Because this story did not deserve the ending it got.

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You know the post-it breakup scene from Sex and the City? It’s been replaced by the text message.

Where to dine in LA… The Eliza List

For the past few years, food lovers throughout LA eagerly awaited for LA Weekly’s publication of Jonathan Gold’s list of 99 essential restaurants. It became an obsession in the LA food scene. Restaurants wanted to make the list. Serious eaters wanted to eat their way through the list.

During the 2009 edition of J Gold’s essential 99 list, one extremely optimistic suitor of mine had highlighted all the restaurants he wanted to go to with me. Sadly, this suitor lived in his car – by choice not necessity – and that was just one of the red flags. There was NO way that I was going to check out 42 restaurants with the homeless-actor-living-in-a-car-taking-showers-at-the-gym.

Since Jonathan Gold left the LA Weekly earlier this year – for the greener pastures of the LA Times –  it’s clear that the LA food community needs another list. Besha Rodell is the new food critic at LA Weekly and she needs a little more time to get acquainted with the LA dining scene. I’m hoping she creates her own list of essential restaurants.

Until then, here’ s my amateur attempt at assembling an essential list of places to eat in LA. Most on these are from Jonathan Gold’s 99 essential list (from 2011). At my most recent count, I had managed to make my way through the third of the list.

Where I’ve dined -
From Jonathan Gold’s Essential 99 List
# of Visits
Akasha 3
Animal 5+
Border Grill 3
Bottega Louie 1
Bulgarini Gelato 3+
Church & State 1
Euro Pane Bakery 5+
Father’s Office 2
Gjelina 3
Huckleberry 2
Hungry Cat 5+
Ink. 1
Jar 1
Jitlada 10+
La Casita Mexicana 2
Langer’s 3+
Little Dom’s 5+
Lou 2
LudoBites 25+
Lukshon 2
Mantee 1
Marouch 3
Mo-Chica 1
Mother Dough 3+
Mozza 5+
Oinkster 1
Palate Food + Wine (closed) 3+
Park’s Barbecue 2
Picca 3
Providence 1
Red Medecine 2
Rustic Canyon 2
Salt’s Cure 2
Son of a Gun 1
Spago 1
Street 3+
Places on my “want to eat here” list:
Comme Ça
Lucques
Mélisse
Night + Market
Sotto
Tasting Kitchen
Terroni
Urasawa (not on J’Gold’s List but mine)
Places I would add to Jonathan Gold’s List 
Baco Mercat
Papilles Bistro
Carlito’s Gardel
Café Bravo
Zankou Chicken
Daily Dose 

And there it is… My list of essential places. As Julia Child would say…bon appétit!

Food, Love and Breakups

One of the toughest things about my recent breakup has to do with food memories. My ex shared my passion for food. Food brought us together.

The first time we shared food it was at LudoBites 8.0.  I had an extra seat at my table of 4. Last minute reservation. He was working late at the office. He ended up taking up the last spot at our table.  His passion for food rivaled mine.

The next time we shared food was at dinner party we hosted together, showcasing both of our cooking skills. I remember the menu. I made a roasted leg of lamb, roasted potatoes and feta cheese turnovers. He made creamed spinach, bacon wrapped dates, macaroons and bacon jam. This was not a date. But it was the beginning of our friendship.

More food memories followed. French, Korean, Cuban. Home made food brought to the office.  And then there was LudoBites again. This time foie gras night. Followed up more foie gras, this time at Animal. And after months of sharing food, we shared a kiss and just like that a friendship turned into a relationship.

This is the story of our relationship… told through food.

beef rossini

Beef rossini by Michael Voltaggio – Foie Gras Night at Animal

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True Love

We met in February of 2012. After years of the same, I decided to give something new a try. And it was love at first sight. Within 5 minutes I knew my life would never be the same. It would be better.

That’s why I was so devastated last night when I lost him for about 16 hours. The panic. The horror. And the realization that I was more upset over losing him than dumping the boyfriend the night before.

But my world is coming back to normal. I found my iPhone!

And Then There Was The Ice Pack…

I usually don’t give second chances, but this time around I thought it was worth another go. He has a few things going for himself …

  1. we had been friends before becoming more than friends
  2. we share similar relationship/attitudes with food, exercise and body issues
  3. an unapologetic appreciation for the finer things in life
  4. a geographically desirable location, less than a mile from my apartment
  5. and an air conditioned apartment (which I need during the 3 weeks of the year when it’s insanely hot in Hollywood Hills and I have yet to get a portable A/C)

Then there was my birthday coming up and I really wanted a birthday that didn’t result in a breakup on my birthday. Not to mention my determination to have a relationship that lasts more than 3 months (one that did not require legal documents in the form of marriage).  So I decided to give it another chance… Continue reading